October Memories

4:30 a.m.

So, it turns out the 2-year old molars are as brutal as their reputation makes them out to be. At least I think that's what Luke's issue is these days. Restless nights, refusal to eat, stuffy nose, intense puppy-like chewing and biting on anything he can sink those teeth into. It's gotta be teething right? Poor guy. And the beloved teething tablets we used to use at night have been recalled. Bummer.

It's been months since I've rocked my babies in the middle of the night. But, I was just in Luke's room doing just that. And while I am somewhat on the exhausted side, I so enjoyed holding my sweet baby. Feeling his little nose on my neck. Hearing his little breaths in my ear.

Rocking and humming and giggling and thinking......and thanking..

For the past two years October has been downright awful for us.

One year ago today, we traveled to St. Louis to hear a team of doctors diagnose Luke with Infantile Spasms. "This is rare. This is catastrophic. His prognosis is very, very, very, very poor. The seizures have to be stopped, although we should warn you, they aren't easily controlled. In fact, sometimes never controlled." We'll never forget that day.

Two years ago today, we were sitting in the NICU. The emotions and hour by hour stress of those days are almost too much to even think about. Luke's perforated intestines had been raging with infection. We watched his belly swell and the skin redden. Nurses would leave his bedside in tears. Doctors would order kangaroo care, not because Luke was healthy enough to be out of his incubator to be held, but because it was likely this would be our last time to hold him. During that month also, Luke's brain bleed caused hydrocephalus. Fluid was building up in his brain and a surgery was scheduled to put a shunt in to relieve the pressure. It was one thing after another that October. Two babies the hospital, two tired parents, a team of doctors and nurses working like crazy to do the best they could for our 2 pound miracles.

And here we are....it's October again. Caleb is a tall, energetic, feisty 2-year old ready to take over the world. Luke is completing 8 months of seizure freedom. His intestines healed. His shunt surgery never happened. His vision has improved. He's army crawling all over the living room and has the most adorable belly laugh. If you ask him how old he is, he'll tell you "Two" and spats off a handful of other words. We've spent the last month eating birthday cake and going to the pumpkin patch and swinging at the park.

I've been thinking so much this past month about suffering and struggle. About how much it changes us. We want out of it so quickly. But God has something different in mind. The past two years have allowed us a closeness and intimacy with Christ that we've never known before. After all, He is close to the broken-hearted. It's allowed us to see in each other a strength and endurance that we never knew was there. It's offered us a beautiful interaction with the Body of Christ. It's given us a chance to tell others what God has miraculously done. It's given us more compassion. ...a chance to be comforted so that we may comfort others. It's given a great longing for Heaven...where all will be made new and whole and perfect.

Loving this song right now.

Life really isn't a snapshot. If we looked at snapshots from the past two years, some would seem so hopeless, so painful. But, it wasn't the end of the story. God still had so much to accomplish..and still does. Whatever you're going through, just remember, it's not the end. Press on and fight the good fight!!!